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Hey, all

For the second to last Album InSite, here's a little bit about the song, "Leave You Behind."

For nearly three years, I spent my time playing guitar and singing with a good friend of mine, Mr. Matt Heinecke. Matt's a talented fella, and though our songwriting styles are different, the fact that we both sang and played acoustic guitars gave us a great deal in common. Matt's always been a bit more country, while I've been a bit more folk/pop. At any rate, we would write songs alongside each other while playing together as an acoustic duo.

It was thanks to my experiences working with Matt that I started thinking about doing a record, which I might not have even considered before that point. I had the wonderful fortune of singing background vocals on Matt's first record, and coaching vocals too. From there, I played out on a few gigs with Matt and his band. Now, one of the songs on Matt's record is called, "Leave You Behind." From what I know about the song and about my friend, it speaks about a relationship that has devolved to the point that the guy knows he has to leave because he has given up so much to be with her, and he can't stand that anymore.

I've always been trepedacious about writing on similar themes as my peers, and even more so when it comes to titles. But, I can say that Matt's song is strikingly different than mine. The lyrics offer completely opposite reactions than Matt's to the end of a relationship.

Now, I've said before that some of my songs have been about the longest and strongest relationship I've had, and "Leave You Behind" is no different. It was in the fall of 2001 that I found myself having dealt with some harder things in my life. My father had survived a bone marrow transplant, I had gone through a painful breakup, and I had just finished my first summer living alone (which was no small thing...I used to hate living alone). It was the beginning of my last year in college, and I was starting to feel pretty confident about my life for the first time in a long while. In the wake of all this, I was on the phone with a good friend - someone who happened to be friends with myself and my ex - and she let it slip to me that my ex had been talking about me a lot lately, almost like it seemed she wanted to get back together.

I was shocked. I was confused. While the decision to break up had been mutual, I had always felt that I wanted to stay in the relationship more than she did. There were many times where we'd be up late and on the phone with each other when she'd say how the long distance between us was getting to her. And, when we broke up for a short time during our relationship, I felt like I had been wrecked. And, just eight months prior, when I needed her to be there for me when my dad was sick, she insisted that we should not get back together. Now, after a lot had happened, did she really want to deal with all of that again?

I didn't know how to respond. I couldn't imagine what to say to her. So, I wrote. I wrote about moving on in life, and about how difficult it was, even with all of the pain I'd felt, to move on from our relationship. I wrote about what I thought she might say if we ever talked about getting back together. And, most importantly, I wrote about the fact that I still loved her, and that it haunted me. I knew that, despite caring for her, I needed to let go.

I never told her that I wrote the song. It wasn't until later that Winter that she ever heard it, and even then, I didn't have the courage to tell her it was about her. But, she probably knew.

Hey, everyone

Here's the latest Album InSite on "Promises."

"Promises" was the last song written for the record, and I have to say that I was more than a little hesitant to include it on the album. It is certainly the darkest lyric of all the songs on Nowhere On My Own, but I think I was hesitant to put it on the record because I was less confident in it than in the other material. "Promises" went through almost no changes from the first to the last draft. And, the lyric for it was written in less than an hour.

I’ve been told that I write a lot of happy music. I’m not sure that I agree. I do like to write in major keys more than in minor ones, and I do that because I find it to be more of a melodic challenge but I think that my lyrics aren’t all sweet and dandy. Sure, songs like “Crush” and “Bad Credit” and “By My Side Tonight,” are upbeat and happy, but more than half of the record deals with injustice, remorse, sadness and fear. “Promises” is a prime example.

The song is, in many ways, an extension of the perspective I wrote about in an earlier song, "The Confines of Regret." But, whereas "Confines" deals with a character who is haunted by the memory of a former life, and who is coping with his own sanity and madness, "Promises" is about remorse and selfishness. I tried to explore the idea of an afterlife, and what one expects to see when he reaches it. The ascending numbers in the song are like the counting down of the hours until he gets his wish to be sent to the angels, and to see the family that he abandoned. But, there’s no guarantee that he’ll be sent to heaven to see them. In fact, more than likely, he won’t ever see them again.

“Promises” took almost no time to arrange and record: two takes with the band, one with the vocal. In many ways, the song arranged itself. Now that the band plays it live, we’ve amped it up a bit from the album version, but the soul is the same.

And, while “Promises” helped to continue a thread from “The Confines of Regret,” so has it helped on other songs, especially those in an upcoming concept project I’m writing. That is one of my favorite things about writing: finding the thread that connects one song or idea to another, and seeing how two different things can be related.

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Keep checking back for the final installments of Album InSite, and for new features in Ben’s Blog starting in May, including new web exclusive songs.

Hey, guys

If you haven't yet been to see him, you need to take advantage of the fact that Joe Firstman is playing a residency this month at the Mint in Los Angeles. He plays on Tuesdays, and be sure to get there around 9pm for tons of great music. I had the great fortune of hearing the music of a man named Bird last week, and I couldn't be more thankful that I did.

Remember, every Tuesday in April at the Mint (corner of Pico and Crescent Heights).

Ben

Thank you for waiting so patiently for the latest installment of Album InSite. I was scouring my old notebooks in search of an old version of lyrics to this week's song, "By My Side Tonight."

"By My Side Tonight" was written the first time in early 2001, right around the time that I was finishing songs like "Sitting in Limbo" and "Let Me Go." I was not in any kind of relationship at the time, and as a result, the song is not about any specific experience in my life. What I can say is that it is a song about the moment where I will know that I've found the right girl. So, I'd say that it is speculative.

After completing a first draft of the song, I was pretty sure that it was missing something in the chorus. You see, the original version of the song had identical verses to those that ended up in the final album version of the song. But, the chorus was a repeated phrase, and not the four line lyric that it is now. I had been able to express exactly what I wanted to say in many choruses in just a single phrase, but "By My Side" needed more. So, I let the song breathe for several months.

Fast forward to October, 2001. I'm getting geared up for my first solo acoustic show at Los Angeles' Genghis Cohen, a frequent music hangout for myself and my friends at the time. I'm in my last year of school, and I'm also holding down a part time internship for a music publishing company. Now, many internships can keep you busy with mundane tasks, but this particular internship was much more relaxed. I found that I had a lot of time to work on my songs while at work, and it was there that I took another shot at the chorus. I finished the song with the intention of performing it that night at my acoustic show, as I find that there's nothing like a deadline to make me write quickly and concisely. However, I was a little nervous, and did not play the song until December. But, when I finally did it, I couldn't have been happier with the result. Since then, "By My Side Tonight" has been one of my favorite songs to perform live.

I need to thank a few people for adding their thing to "By My Side Tonight," helping to make it what it is. I have to thank Matt Heinecke for assisting with the arrangement of the acoustic version of "By My Side." From that sketch, I was able to think about how the band might fit with the song. My friend Brian Vivrette added the drum groove, and bassist Brian Whelan put down what I like to refer to as the quintessential "Nathan East bass line" over the chorus. I was very fortunate to have the great background vocals of Julie Moffitt and the featured vocal solo by Ross Golan on the record. Ross has this timbre to his voice that is so present, and so remarkable. When he put down the end of his featured solo, I remember turning to my engineer Keith Armstrong and saying, "Wow! Did you hear that? That sounded like we have Michelle Branch on the record!" And, for a while, we contemplated thanking Michelle in the album notes. But, the credit all goes to Ross.

Hey!

All I have to say is this: The show at Fais Do Do in Los Angeles last night is, by far, the best show I've ever done. Many thanks to all who attended, and to those who didn't, you missed something awesome. I can't say thank you enough to the whole band: Katie Quinlan (for her enchanting vocals and rockin' attitude, and for making us all look more attractive!), Jason Gambill (for the awe-inspiring talent he brings to that darn stage every night), Chris Carangi (for holding down the rhythm section with charm and confidence, and his ever-growing number of background vocals!), Jim Saint-Amour (for being the most solid, kick ass drummer I know, and the nicest guy in show biz), and Seth Stuart (for taking the show to a new level, the first of many to come I hope). Also, special thanks to Angeles Drake for allowing us to be a part of their excellent CD release show, and for what I hope will become a regular pairing of bands. I surely hope that we do more shows like this and the Derby Extravaganza back in February.

We'll be playing out again in late May as part of the Hard Rock Cafe's Battle of the Bands '03, and there will be more shows to come this summer. Thanks again to everyone. I've not felt this inspired by my peers in a long while.

Love,
Ben